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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
i don't know where this belongs but it's off topic so i guess this is the right spot. so anyway, i was having an ok day today at work. i was wearing these new shoes and they were cutting into my feet so i was looking forward to going home, taking them off, having a glass of wine and watching the daily show. but as soon as i got back to my apt, i was greeted with an unholy odor. MY DOG SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

omg i don't know how he did it. there was diarrhea i swear on the lamp shade. the shit defied fucking gravity. he shit on my bed. i had to change the sheets but it soaked into my mattress. my bed smelled like diarrhea. my apt is wall to wall white carpet. there was shit all over the floor.

i was so pissed. but i remembered reading about some special device that was made for occasions like this one, so i went to walmart.

there must have been a special just for idiots tonight b/c it was packed solid. or maybe that's how walmart always is. i don't know but i found out you can get your nails done there. i made a mental note never to do so. they probably use ajax and wet and wild on that shit. i was in the speedy line "10 items or less." this chick with like 20 kids had about 500 items in her cart, including a boy. and the cashier was going back in time, that's how slow she was. it took about 30 minutes to check out. i went to petco to pick up pet stain cleaner and a lady in front of me kept arguing with the cashier over 59 cents she was overcharged for her cat food. i wanted to kick her into the street.

so long story short, i bought this vacuum. it's the bissell spotbot. it is simply amazing. it got everything out. it's like what god would make if he decided to get into the vacuum business. i don't know how people with carpet function without it. it also works for wine stains, blood, vomit, etc., so i know i'll get a lot of use out of it in the future. :rolleyes:

it costs about $117 but it's worth it if you could foresee any of the above happening to you. and my apt doesn't smell like diarrhea anymore. i may name my firstborn bissell i'm that enthused. it runs through the detergent it comes with pretty quickly so i suggest picking up an extra bottle. and yes to reiterate - it's seriously amazing.
 

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This is why I have hardwood floors.




And a housetrained dog.
 

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i don't know where this belongs but it's off topic so i guess this is the right spot. so anyway, i was having an ok day today at work. i was wearing these new shoes and they were cutting into my feet so i was looking forward to going home, taking them off, having a glass of wine and watching the daily show. but as soon as i got back to my apt, i was greeted with an unholy odor. MY DOG SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE.

omg i don't know how he did it. there was diarrhea i swear on the lamp shade. the shit defied fucking gravity. he shit on my bed. i had to change the sheets but it soaked into my mattress. my bed smelled like diarrhea. my apt is wall to wall white carpet. there was shit all over the floor.
HAHAH, oh man i laughed sooo hard reading this
 

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Too bad it doesnt do walls. My cats have issues with the two walls bordering the open topped litter box. Will it do oil stains though? My roommate left a few footprints...
 

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A scenario similar to this one year ago led to my dog being given away without my knowledge :(

She had eaten a pound of chocolate so shitting it out all over the house was better than dying.
 

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but as soon as i got back to my apt, i was greeted with an unholy odor. MY DOG SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE.
I'm not sure how to read this. Did you leave your dog shit out and it spilled?

Or did your animal actually relieve itself all over the house?
 

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Discussion Starter · #13 · (Edited)
I'm not sure how to read this. Did you leave your dog shit out and it spilled?

Or did your animal actually relieve itself all over the house?
tweek i may have my idiosyncrasies but i'm not the sort to hoard dog shit. the dog's ass exploded all over my apt. it was as if jackson pollock decided to go into installations and used dog shit as a medium.

Too bad it doesnt do walls. My cats have issues with the two walls bordering the open topped litter box. Will it do oil stains though? My roommate left a few footprints...
it comes with a magic wand for manual use that could come in handy for walls. i think it's supposed to take out oil stains too but i haven't tried that myself.

seriously people, it's awesome. if you're a pet/baby owner or an axe murderer, it's a great investment
 

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My dog got the poops and the vomits once too.... I also had a bad day and was greeted in a similar fashion.

it sucked.
 

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I'm not sure how to read this. Did you leave your dog shit out and it spilled?

Or did your animal actually relieve itself all over the house?
Oh, the subtleties of the language.

i.e.:

"She has a crack baby"

vs:

"She has a crack, baby!"

Or the infamous line from the Olive Garden:

"With your meal, you can have soup or salad and breadsticks."

Do I get (soup) or (salad and breadsticks), or is it (soup and breadsticks) or (salad and breadsticks)?
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 ·
Oh, the subtleties of the language.

i.e.:

"She has a crack baby"

vs:

"She has a crack, baby!"

Or the infamous line from the Olive Garden:

"With your meal, you can have soup or salad and breadsticks."

Do I get (soup) or (salad and breadsticks), or is it (soup and breadsticks) or (salad and breadsticks)?
are you a lawyer? i spent hours once agonizing over a statute b/c of the placement of the commas.

I'm surprised Damien Hirst hasn't done this yet.
correct me if i'm wrong but i believe he was the one behind the elephant dung virgin mary. sounds right up his alley. i hope he's open to suggestions (for a small fee :) ).
 

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correct me if i'm wrong but i believe he was the one behind the elephant dung virgin mary.
You are indeed wrong ;) The artist you're referring to is Chris Ofili. Damien Hirst is the one with the dead animals in formaldehyde, the pieces made entirely of dead flies, etc.
 
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