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An exchange between a secretary (Shannon) and someone in the design department at her company (David)….

*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.15am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Poster

Hi, I opened the screen door yesterday and my cat got out and has been missing since then so I was wondering if you are not to busy you could make a poster for me. It has to be A4 and I will photocopy it and put it around my suburb this afternoon.



This is the only photo of her I have she answers to the name Missy and is black and white and about 8 months old. missing on Harper street and my phone number. Thanks Shan.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.26am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,*

*That is shocking news. Luckily I was sitting down when I read your email
and not half way up a ladder or tree. How are you holding up? I am surprised
you managed to attend work at all what with thinking about Missy out there
cold, frightened and alone... possibly lying on the side of the road, her
back legs squashed by a vehicle, calling out "Shannon, where are you?"*

*Although I have two clients expecting completed work this afternoon, I
will, of course, drop everything and do whatever it takes to facilitate the
speedy return of Missy.*

*Regards, David.*

*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 9.37am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Poster

yeah ok thanks. I know you dont like cats but I am really worried about
mine. I have to leave at 1pm today.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.17am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,*

*I never said I don't like cats. Once, having been invited to a party, I
went clothes shopping beforehand and bought a pair of expensive G-Star boots. They were two sizes too small but I wanted them so badly I figured I
could just wear them without socks and cut my toenails very short. As the
party was only a few blocks from my place, I decided to walk. After the
first block, I lost all feeling in my feet. Arriving at the party, I
stumbled into a guy named Steven, spilling Malibu & coke onto his white Wham 'Choose Life' t-shirt, and he punched me. An hour or so after the incident, Steven sat down in a chair already occupied by a cat. The surprised cat clawed and snarled causing Steven to leap out of the chair, slip on a rug
and strike his forehead onto the corner of a speaker; resulting in a two
inch open gash. In its shock, the cat also defecated, leaving Steven with a
foul stain down the back of his beige cargo pants. I liked that cat.*

*Attached poster as requested.*

*Regards, David.



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.24am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah thats not what I was looking for at all. it looks like a movie and how
come the photo of Missy is so small?*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.28am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,*

*It's a design thing. The cat is lost in the negative space.*

*Regards, David.*

*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.33am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Thats just stupid. Can you do it properly please? I am extremely emotional
over this and was up all night in tears. you seem to think it is funny. Can
you make the photo bigger please and fix the text and do it in colour
please. Thanks.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.46am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

Dear Shannon,*

*Having worked with designers for a few years now, I would have assumed
you understood, despite our vague suggestions otherwise, we do not welcome constructive criticism. I don't come downstairs and tell you how to send text messages, log onto Facebook and look out of the window. I am willing to overlook this faux pas due to you no doubt being preoccupied with thoughts of Missy attempting to make her way home across busy intersections or being trapped in a drain as it slowly fills with water. I spent three days down a well once but that was just for fun.*

*I have amended and attached the poster as per your instructions.*

*Regards, David.



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 10.59am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

This is worse than the other one. can you make it so it shows the whole
photo of Missy and delete the stupid text that says missing missy off it? I
just want it to say Lost.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.14am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.21am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Poster

yeah can you do the poster or not? I just want a photo and the word lost
and the telephone number and when and where she was lost and her name. Not like a movie poster or anything stupid. I have to leave early today. If it
was your cat I would help you. Thanks.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.32am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Awww

Dear Shannon,*

*I don't have a cat. I once agreed to look after a friend's cat for a week
but after he dropped it off at my apartment and explained the concept of
kitty litter, I kept the cat in a closed cardboard box in the shed and
forgot about it. If I wanted to feed something and clean faeces, I wouldn't
have put my mother in that home after her stroke. A week later, when my
friend came to collect his cat, I pretended that I was not home and mailed
the box to him. Apparently I failed to put enough stamps on the package and he had to collect it from the post office and pay eighteen dollars. He still
goes on about that sometimes, people need to learn to let go.*

*I have attached the amended version of your poster as per your detailed
instructions.*

*Regards, David.



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.47am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Awww

Thats not my cat. where did you get that picture from? That cat is orange.
I gave you a photo of my cat.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 11.58am
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Awww

I know, but that one is cute. As Missy has quite possibly met any one of
several violent ends, it is possible you might get a better cat out of this.
If anybody calls and says "I haven't seen your orange cat but I did find a
black and white one with its hind legs run over by a car, do you want it?"
you can politely decline and save yourself a costly veterinarian bill.*

*I knew someone who had a basset hound that had its hind legs removed
after an accident and it had to walk around with one of those little buggies
with wheels. If it had been my dog I would have asked for all its legs to be
removed and replaced with wheels and had a remote control installed. I could
charge neighbourhood kids for rides and enter it in races. If I did the same
with a horse I could drive it to work. I would call it Steven.*

*Regards, David.*

*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.07pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Please just use the photo I gave you.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.22pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.34pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

I didnt say there was a reward. I dont have $2000 dollars. What did you
even put that there for? Apart from that it is perfect can you please remove
the reward bit. Thanks Shan.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.42pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Can you just please take the reward bit off altogether? I have to leave in
ten minutes and I still have to make photocopies of it.*

*From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 12.56pm
To: Shannon Walkley
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww



*From: Shannon Walkley
Date: Monday 21 June 2010 1.03pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Awww

Fine. That will have to do.*
 

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Lost two cats last month, and I'm still rollin' on the floor right now...
 

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I don't think I have ever laughed so hard in my life! I'm crying more now than my last breakup. Absolutely hilarious! (and I am also a cat-lover who has lost quite a few, but you can't say it's not funny).
 

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just read some of his other stuff....that dude is the man!
 

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That guy is a total dickhead.

I lost my cat for a day, and it was terrible.

The spider thing was pretty funny, but to pick on someone who is missing a pet is BS.

Fuck that clown.
Understand where you are coming from, but the guy does design and stuff like that for a living and she was coming to him with a vague description and asking for him to do it for free.

Design/build me a free bike? I wouldn't design/install an enterprise server solution for someone.
 

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Deez Nutz
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Oh come on. The guy does not know what a missing cat poster should look like?

I can shit one of those out in about 10 seconds in MS paint.

His other shit is hysterical, this just seems...pointlessly mean.

I think it was his co-worker. Or at least that is the impression I got.
 

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I think driving a Miata has neutered Palmer ever so slightly...* That is freaking hilarious as a joke, especially the remote control dog part lol. However, I lost a pet before and it was not a whole lot of fun to say the least.
 

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Deez Nutz
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Possibly, but Palmer's beard is worth at least 1.5 testicles.
Maybe just one... I trimmed er' back a bit after this wedding I was at last weekend.

A few friends of mine flew from MN to Portland OR, and we all agreed to not trim for 4-5 weeks because the guy who was getting married loves beards.
 

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I usually get the "I need this bad" request.

To which I reply "How bad do yout it? I can make it look real $hitty if you want...."
 
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