Saab Link Forums banner

I survived the car trip from hell (old people content)

2.1K views 38 replies 25 participants last post by  Creech  
#1 ·
I had to ride in a car with my grandmother today.

My grandmother is 73 years old and is in fairly good health. In the past few years I've noticed her starting to slide-- she's not as sharp as she used to be. Riding in the car with her today proved that point.

I showed up at her house with every intention to drive us to where we were going (Ikea). She insisted on driving instead. I have a problem with this-- number one, I hate being a passenger. Number two, I hate being a passenger in an SUV, and number three, I am absolutely horrified by her conduct on the road.

Today she changed lanes at least six times without even looking (in heavy Boston traffic, no less), invented her own directions and detours which left us lost in space, felt the need to read out loud and argue with every road sign (There's no such thng as 138, there's only 38!), and just generally had no idea what she was doing. She blew through red lights without even realizing she was at an intersection.

Obviously I survived. But I'm worried about what she's going to do when she tries to go somewhere alone. I want her to surrender her license and stop driving. I had to keep reminding her to choose a lane and stay in it, to use her signals, and to fucking LOOK before she changed lanes... she's going to kill someone. She lives in MA, and I don't think they have manditory retesting. I honestly think retesting is a less-than-good idea, because not all elderly people are space cases and it's insulting for those who are still sharp. Maybe we all should be retested every few years?

Your thoughts?
 
#5 ·
I think we should all have to take retests, getting a license in america is waaay too easy.
 
#9 ·
I've always thought that there should be a point where people should retest elderly or not, some people just shouldn't drive. And on that thought they should do more drug screening of the employees at the DMV.

I see old people with walkers getting into the drivers seat and I think how the hell can that person drive if they can barely walk. The mind may be sharp but the reaction time just can't be there. It takes two seconds to hit the brakes of a person in good heath but if their pushing 80 years old what then? If a kid runs out in front of them it's over for that kid.
I also think that the medical exam should be retested too. Just what we need is grampa with the onset of alzheimer's getting in his 2 ton caddy.
 
#10 ·
My grandfather realized he was not safe to drive any more. Thankfully this was right before we were all going to approach him and ask him for his license and his keys. His health was deteriorating and his vision was absolutely terrible. It's one of the hardest things to even think about doing, especially to a loved one who you don't want to hurt. Maybe she could start by driving a small car, and getting rid of the SUV. Best of luck in talking with your family.
 
#11 ·
The thing is, she owns a small car. She just traded in her 2005 Benz for an '02 500SL. She bought it last summer with just a little under 1k on the odo. It's now got 1007 miles on it or something ridiculously low on it-- I think she's driven it to the store once, and that's it. The Jeep is my grandfather's car. She's so afraid of hurting the 'vert that she refuses to take it anywhere. she also seems to think that she'll be safer in an SUV...

I tried talking her into a Saab, for her own good, but she says they're "too unreliable". I'd rather have her call me and whine about going to the mechanic twice in two months than whatever the alternatives may be.
 
#13 ·
Being a serious car enthusiast from day one (pretty much literally, I constantly have people telling me about the times when my older brother would be pushing me down the road in a stroller while I am telling him the name of every car we passed :) ), I really can't imagine doing that to any of my family members. I just can't.

Best of luck to you.
 
#14 · (Edited)
I am not one for taking away someone's liberty unless they really, honestly are a danger to themselves or others. That's where my struggle with this really lies.

I love my car, I love driving. But I know myself and I know my roots well enough to understand that I come from a line of stubborn, independent people. We don't ask for help. We're forced to take it when we have absolutely no other options.

Do I piss off my grandma by suggesting that she give up driving and force her to realize that she's getting older, or do we wait until she drives the wrong way down a highway and wipes someone else out?

Perhaps she just needs a high-visability jacket.
 
#16 ·
I am not one for taking away someone's liberty unless they really, honestly are a danger to themselves or others. That's where my struggle with this really lies.

I love my car, I love driving. But I know myself and I know my roots well enough to understand that I come from a line of stubborn, independent people. We don't ask for help. We're forced to take it when we have absolutely no other options.

Do I piss off my grandma by suggesting that she give up driving and force her to realize that she's getting older, or do we wait until she drives the wrong way down a highway and wipes someone else out?

Perhaps she just needs a high-visability jacket.
I think your family is like mine....we have had our struggles and dramas/tragedies. Many of them could not have been avoided.

It sounds like you already know the answer. You are seeing a tragedy coming. But this one you can avoid by taking action. A 73 year old woman dieing is one thing, but what about who she takes out along the way?

I would rather someone have some resentments toward me and be bitter than be dead along with possibly others.
 
#15 ·
My grandfather is 84 and is having trouble with his eyesight. He can still see stuff during the day, but he has realized he can't drive at night anymore. By the time his license expires he knows he won't be able to pass the vision test. But he has friends that pick him up to go places. I guess we sorta got lucky on this one.
 
#17 ·
A SL500 isn't exactly a small car, but I guess it's a start. It probably brakes better than a Jeep would. These situations are not fun at all, and so hard to balance right. Just keep talking it over with siblings and other family member who she will listen to.
 
#18 ·
Have had to do this twice in my life time.

Here is my thought, While you are debating it she is still on the road. Not only a hazzard to others but to herself also.

And if you know this should be done and still dont do anything about it and something happens, you will never forgive yourself.

Yes she is going to upset for a while...But she will soon see why you did what you did.

We should all be Tested every 3-5 yrs.

Here in Florida alot of crashes are due to older people. My mother in-law works at an assisted living facility and there are old guys there that have had thier license's revoked by the DMV and they still go out in there Big old Caddies it is very disturbing.
 
#19 · (Edited)
Are you sure that she can see? We just found out that my grandmother is nearly blind becuase of cataracts but didn't want anyone to know becuase she's scared of doctors/dentists. She knew what was happening and stopped driving on her own about 5 years ago, but no one knew how bad her eyesight had gotten. My grandfather is 85 and I trust his driving more than most people. Together they putter around all over the small town that I grew-up in and make their rounds. I don't know what will happen when it's time for him to stop driving. Don't even like to think about it. Hard issue for sure.
 
#22 ·
My grandmother, not as wild and out-of-it as most senior citizens, was recently involved in an accident (guess which state... give up? okay, it was Florida). It was a very light accident, and after getting out to assess the damage, she left the scene because she had to use the bathroom.

I called it the "shit and run." Of course, the order was reversed, but for humor's sake bear with me.
 
#26 ·
I think you need to control what you can control, and not worry about controlling what your grandmother does.

Tell her what you think, and underline that by telling her you won't travel with her if she drives.

You can't stop her from driving if she won't listen to you. But you can stop riding with her as a passenger.
 
#28 ·
Of course family members should do something if their grandparents are dangerous drivers. Just like one should act if someone jumps in the car drunk and stoned.

I think it's best to be frank, just tell them that they are a danger on the road and that you will in worst case contact the police to stop them from driving.

What if a grandparent drives on a mother and child crossing the road, and you know you could have done something to avoid it...?
 
#31 ·
isee so many old people every day who NEED to be taken off the road,
that said I see 18 yeard old and 20 year old and 30 year old and 40 year old people as well who have NO BUSINESS HAVING A LICENSE.
so restesting everyone would help filter these douchefaces out.

however, knowing people who deal/dealt with law enforcement for work, I can tell you that not having a license only stops a tiny percentage of the dangerous cockknocks, 90% of them drive anyways.
 
#33 ·
I've had a theory for the last the couple of years regarding mandatory retesting.

We all know going to the DMV is a hassle, and would rather avoid it if at all possible.

So how about a mandatory road retest every OTHER time you renew your license - so every eight years (here in Bama, don't know how often you punks renew elsewhere)? Wouldn't be terribly intrusive (once every 2920 days) and it would possibly help to get some people off the road who really have no business driving. Anyhoo, that's how it would be if I were Mayor of the Universe.

Guru - best of luck to you in this delicate situation.
 
#34 ·
In NH and MA both, your first license expires when you're 21, and after that every 5th birthday after that. So every 10 years would be awesome... but maybe a shorter interval after you reach a certain age?