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The Darwin Awards are out for 2003.

Yes, these are all true. They are finally out again. It's an annual honour
given to the person who did the gene pool the biggest service by killing
themselves in the most extraordinarily stupid way. Last year's winner was
the fellow who was killed by a Coke machine which toppled over on top of
him
as he was attempting to tip a free soda out of it. And the nominees this
year in reverse order are:


7. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply,
because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with
milk.
Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the
fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house
down, killing both him and his sister.


6. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of
suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6' 2" tall and
weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and
white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to
create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas
mask
that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its
place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow tube
approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted
into
his rectum for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation.
Police
found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family
very awkward.


5. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude
when
another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the
occupants
of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.
They
were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles.


4. A 22-year-old, Glade Drive, Reston, VA, man was found dead after he
tried
to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70 foot railroad trestle.
Fairfax
County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these
straps together, wrapped one end around one foot, anchored the other end
to
the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren
Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone
because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he
assembled
was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground"
Carmichael
said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma."


3. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a
friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The
friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized.


2. Employees in a medium sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell
of
a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all
potential sources of ignition; lights, power, etc. After the building had
been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon
entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked. Witnesses later
described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of
the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces
of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but
the
lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected
of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.


AND THE WINNER.....


1. Based on a bet by the other members of his threesome,
Everitt Sanchez
tried to wash his own "balls" in a ball washer at the local golf course.
Proving once again that beer and testosterone are a bad mix, Sanchez
managed
to straddle the ball washer and dangle his scrotum in the machine. Much to
his dismay, one of his buddies upped the ante by spinning the crank on the
machine with Sanchez's scrotum in place, thus wedging them solidly in the
mechanism. Sanchez, who immediately passed his threshold of pain,
collapsed
and tumbled from his perch. Unfortunately for Sanchez, the height of the
ball washer was more than a foot higher off the ground than his testicles
are in a normal stance, and the scrotum was the weakest link. Sanchez's
scrotum was ripped open during the fall, and one testicle was plucked from
him forever and remained in the ball washer, while the other testicle was
compressed and flattened as it was pulled between the housing of the
washer,
and the rotating machinery inside. To add insult to injury, Sanchez broke
a
new $300.00 driver that he had just purchased from the pro shop, and was
using to balance himself. Sanchez was rushed to the hospital for surgery,
and the remaining threesome were asked to leave the course. NB: This last
one wouldn't normally count, because the idiot didn't die. But because he
cannot reproduce as a result of his qualifying act of stupidity, we have
allowed it.
 

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HNNLIC
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4,209 Posts
Those are hilarious...but kinda hard to believe :roll: :lol:
 

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1,140 Posts
i do not find them hard to believe, hell, when i was at the hospital cause i broke my leg, there was a dude there that cut two fingers off in his push lawn mower, cause he has a zip tie around the handle that you hold down(so you don't have to hold it down, we did this too) and it was clogged on wet grass, so he reached under to clean it... dumbass

one if my friends was weed wacking, and he broke that little shield that has the blade on it, and it spread out, and put a pretty nasty scar on his ankle, but it kinda looks cool

~justin
 
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